Christmas was…….Christmas as it normally is for me, time off from work & that’s it. I’ve not had a bad one but then again they have all been just a non event for the last 12yrs. Single at that time of year isn’t all that. I’ve never had a girlfriend at that time of year & having no kids ether just leaves it flat.

Yes I know I’m kinda flat at the moment, wouldn’t say depressed just jaded around the edges. I can tell by my lack of motivation & appetite probably one of the few people to lose weight over Festive period without being Ill.

Need to get active to shift this malaise, Planing on going for a run tonight & then Badminton tomorrow, where it was noticed I wasn’t quite my usually self.

Matt

ps I was out on Saturday night & saw someone I recognised from somebody else’s facebook (recognised=Fancy) just from the pic’s a complete stranger, still I couldn’t go up & chat. Didn’t help she seemed to be having a great time.

Well I must say I’m the most organised I’ve ever been for Christmas, presents wrapped ready to be delivered & I finished work today at lunch Bonus

Having no work tomorrow I’m going surfing in the morning.

This passage I wrote last night after consuming a bottle of red wine to myself  “was thinking the other night. I’m not a failure as you need to try to fail in your own minds eye. You cant see yourself as a failure if you haven’t really tried! I cant remember the last time I whole heartedly put myself on the line for failure or redemption. I attempt everything half heartedly, half jokey, half expecting to fail, half arsed. I have GCSE’s, Advanced GNVQ, HND, Degree (with honours), career I enjoy which pays well & a house I like. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have the gift of the gab & I’m not super bright, bright yup special I don’t think so lol. What could I have achieved/become with a little application, If I grew a pair enough to except the chance of failure the flip side of success Instead I just coast along being mediocre.”

Rantings of a drunken Matt

Matt

ps Merry Christmass one & all

It’s our works meal tonight, I had invited “S” she had found a babysitter but she flaked on me! surprise surprise. Texted me today saying she’s ill on antibiotics for ear & sinus problems fair enough, but also mentioned about being depressed??
& wont answer the phone to me

I’m going to be dateless & unless we can cancel the place wasted money!

I friend phoned about going out last weekend but he was hungover so didn’t manage it, phoned again in mid-week about going out again? strange I thought as he’s the brother of one of my uni friends (I hardly ever speak to his brother now who lives up the line with his wife & daughters) but not a great friend of mine, nice lad. The last few times I’ve seen him was at his 1st marriage stage do & lastly at his current engagement as it turns out that’s failed too!

He’s a few years younger then me. one wife, child & 2nd engagement already behind him. I found it strange the girls he’s chosen aren’t lookers in fact short & fat would be the description. It’s amazing how peoples live there live so differently, I think he’s following his brother foot steps. Who also traded down in the girl friend market, but she at least came with a dowry.

Perhaps he called me as people think of me as the eternal bachelor always ready & willing drinking buddy

Matt

I feel like a frayed peace of string today all loose ends.

I have no real direction in my life no grand scheme or goal, I live in society but I don’t really feel part of society there is no cohesion in my existence. Question; I’m working towards my own goal or for the common good. Answer; nether I work for my wage (I do enjoy my job but my job does not define me).

I only touch the lives of my family, friends, colleagues.

The “game” is in my mind a great deal as if I’m look for a crusade & feel this fits the bill, but is this really me?

Do I really want to pursue this man’s man’s dream? Of course I do just need to find my balls & hand my ego in with my coat at the door.

haha I feel differently now to when I started typing this 5min ago?!?

Matt

I’m addicted to TV

Many times I’ve said I’ll just watch this or in half an hours time I’ll start hoovering or go out etc..

Then I realise many hours later I’m still sat in front of the goggle box!!

Generally watch crap as well

I check certain blogs multiple time’s a day I know I could get updates, but due to my nature & the flow level of my work I prefer my method. Reason being when I’m busy I don’t check, but if I was informed of an update I couldn’t help myself but to look & so hold up my work.

Work has been a traffle slow

Blogs I check regularly

Girl with a one-track mind

Bluesoup

Quarter life crisis

Narcisistics Anonymous

Ambulance blog

Police blog

My currant favourite Roissy the chauvinistic DC’er

I also check three news services BBC, Reuters & aljazzera & one football site

BBC & Reuters are similar but I enjoy Reuters oddly enough & editors choice sections.

Matt

God why I’m still hung up on her?

She lost her mobile and apparently there was a silver lining as certain people wouldn’t be able to pester her.

Her fb status last night was “wahoo I have a new phone 072……..etc”

So all those would be pesters have her number again, she is an attention whore, she loves it.

I’m only posting this as an outlet so I don’t txt her

Matt

I’m a taste Junkie

I love strong flavours, I will put almost anything in my mouth lol at least once, Sad but true. Thats probaly how I ended up trying some hot chilly paste my house mate has, No idea whats it’s is or called as it’s all in forgein script. It gave the impression through a little chill logo it was chilly paste & it was quite nice if you like the top of your head blown off

I look at this one on-line dating site every couple of days (it’s free) no real idea why I bother! I generally get bored once I’ve started a conversation and it usually dies out

Some of the descriptions people post of themselves leaves me wondering if there keyboards are missing some keys? Example below. Believe me I know my grammar & punctuation isn’t the best but come on this is hardly English

heya all im jenna

hows u all

lokin for a gye to treet me right

perfect gye = tall cute with nice persality

dont no wht els to say lol

Matt

ps this whole text speak isn’t really necessary any more, most people have unlimited free text. Anyone remember the days when text were not linkable so you had a 152 characters to get your point across?

Hmmm

I had a great post to write, got caught up with work forgot what I was going to post

Might have something to do with having very little sleep last night. My sleep debt from last weekend has grown not shrunk as we head towards another weekend!

Matt

ps Everyone have a great weekend